Baby Wipe Warmer

OK, I'm a day behind now - but not for want of dumb things. Just didn't have time to get to one yesterday.

Anyway - why am I not rich? Why do I not think of these things? I'd like to think it's because I'm not dumb, but there's nothing really dumb about getting rich off of other people getting dumb. I admire, in a backhanded way, the people who come up with these idiotic products, even as I want to warn people off of them. It's a sickness.

Baby wipe warmers. If you haven't had kids yet or haven't had one in at least 7 years (7 years chosen because I'm pretty sure I don't remember seeing this on the market when my last child was born), you may not be aware of this particular gadget. It is exactly what the name says - a contraption to warm up your baby wipes. They sell for about $20, and all you have to do is put your wipes in with a little water to keep them from drying out, and you and Junior are ready for a blissful and comfortable diaper change, free from the shock of room temperature wipes.

You DO realize that this is dumb, right?

No? You're thinking that sweet little Junior deserves the very best, including a warm tushy for diaper change. You're thinking that maybe it will help for those middle of the night changes so that the baby won't wake up as much and you won't have to stay up as long to get him to go back to sleep. You're thinking, "what's the big deal, Quid - it's only $20."

Yeah well, you're wrong.

First of all, it's not just $20. It's $20 plus electricity - not much if it's just you, but millions of you's out there adds up. And water. And the environmental impact of yet another unnecessary chunk of plastic. I know I've probably lost some of you already, those who think being picky about little things is stupid - well, too bad. I'm right.

Beyond that, why in the name of all that is sane and rational in this world does your baby need a warm butt? The rest of his life is spent in comfort - we keep them dry, warm, cuddled, and fed. Do you think the room temperature wipes are traumatic? Are you even thinking about that mass of brown (or green) goop that was just covering his ass? If THAT doesn't bother him (along with the whole inability to communicate except by scream, lack of mobility before the crawling/walking stage, and general helplessness of existence), do you really think a few swipes of an unwarmed wipe are going to have him racking up pre-therapy points?

If you're over the age of about thirty, do you remember getting stuck with diaper pins? Do you remember chafing rubber pants? Cloth diapers? I don't either, but I'm sure it wasn't comfortable. And do you think it took us 2.5 years to get potty trained? HELL no. We actually had an incentive to get out of diapers and use the potty. For today's kid, what's the point? My first son was actually potty trained by two and a half, but the second waited until well after his fourth birthday because heck, why bother? He was having way too much fun to come in and go to the bathroom, and there was hardly any discomfort - no incentive at all. Diapers are so absorbent now that it hardly matters if you wet yourself - in fact (oh, I hate this), now they charge more to make training diapers by marketing the fact that they have made them LESS absorbent so that your child is at least aware that they went to the bathroom. They charge more by making their product worse, and we fall for it! It's nuts!

But I digress.

If you're having a baby soon, pass on this one. If a friend of yours is having a baby soon and has this on her register, don't be the one to encourage the insanity. It's just another electrical outlet hogging, dresser top cluttering, unnecessary bit of crap that the marketers try to make you feel guilty about not buying. Trust me, you can and will be a better parent without the warmed wipes. Put the $20 towards a college fund instead.